Delirious Ramblings

Donkey Kong: 55,600

55,600 points. That's my new high score in Donkey Kong:

I lost my last jumpman to a "wild" barrel on the first ramp screen of level 04. By this point I'd made it past three progressively harder barrels screens, two or three rivets screens, a couple elevator screens, and a conveyer belt screen.

50,000 points was a major obstacle for me and it seemed like no matter how hard I tried I couldn't get past that nice round 50K score. Granted, I haven't been practicing as much as I could have. Now that I've beaten that goal I'm going to shoot for 100,000, or about 1/10th of the world record, which is currently over a million points.

Some strategies I've learned:

• It's mostly better to move through the screens quickly and not hang around trying to accumulate points. The points you gain malingering around the screen don't generally balance the bonus points you lose.
• Don't mess with fireballs unless you have the hammer power-up.
• Stick to the edges of the rivets screens. Fireballs won't appear on the edge you're on. If you're in the middle of the screen fireballs can surround you and then you're probably screwed.
• The bouncy springs on the elevator screens are fast but predictable on the screens I've made it to.

The conveyer belt screen is deep enough into the game that it's difficult to get much practice on it because of the time it takes to reach it. By the time you get there you've only got one jumpman left so you don't have much opportunity to try stuff without ending the game.

When I first started this I couldn't get past the first ramp screen. Now it's rare that I don't make to the third one. So I'm getting better.

How to Win at Donkey Kong

It turns out that I wasn't the only one that couldn't play Donkey Kong worth a damn. Back in 1982 Pocket Books published a step-by-step guide on how to play this maddeningly difficult game better. It was called How to Win at Donkey Kong and through the magic of the Internets and probable copyright violation you can read the whole thing in all its PDF glory. It's just 34 pages long so it's a pretty quick read.

It's mostly just a collection of patterns for navigating the various screens you encounter in the game. It works, though. After reading the book I've gotten farther in DK than I ever did before. The ziggurat pattern really helps you to get past the rivet screens.

Trivia from the book: The name Donkey Kong translates loosely into Japanese as Stupid Kong, or Dumb Kong.

If you're interested in just how nutty classic arcade game competition can get, watch The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters. It's a great little documentary available on NetFlix instant streaming.

One more thing I'm not very good at

Donkey Kong:

Of all the classic arcade games I played as a kid the one I sucked at the most was hands down Donkey Kong. I was more an Asteroids and Galaga sort of guy (although I wasn't all that great at them, either). Donkey Kong was just too... too... well... let's just say that you have to have more coordination than a drunken rhino to be able to play it well. It ate my paltry allowance every freakin' time.

But I get the last laugh, Kong. The last laugh. It only took twenty-five years but now, through the magic of emulation and possible copyright violation, I (and you!) can play this maddeningly difficult game until we're blue in the face and don't have to leave broke!

Frustrated? Yes.

Broke? No.

If you want to play, go to emulator-zone.com and download a MAME port of your choosing. I'm currently using MAMEUI on the PC and MAME OS X on the Macs. Don't mess with the command line MAME as it's pretty fiddly and can harsh your 80's arcade nostalgia trip. If you really want to enhance the arcade ambiance go to arcade.hofle.com and download a soundtrack MP3 from the appropriate time period.

Once you've got your MAME software installed head on over to Germany. You'll know what to do once you get there.

After messing around with DK for a couple hours I've determined that even after twenty-five years I'm still no good at it. In fact, I think I'm worse! Maybe it's the carpal tunnel. Oh, well.